Firdaus

 

20.5x28.5 inches; Watercolour, pen and ink over graphite pencil on handmade paper (Click on image to enlarge)

“Agar firdaus bar roo-e zameen ast,
Hameen ast-o hameen ast-o hameen ast.” - Amir Khusrau

My paradise is lost. Was it mine, to begin with? If it was mine, was it paradise?

It was a safe haven for me - Not just a piece of land, not just a garden and an abode I called home,

To make sense of where I belonged. It was my solace, my peace of mind where I carefully hoarded

The fragmented pieces of my mind.

Where the wind blew melodies of the forest and the seas and the lullabies of the starry nights,

Songs that breathed my existence and gave me the reason to call everything mine!

It was the fountain of mirth where the tears of joy sparkled.

It was the cave of sorrow where shadows dried my tears.

A nest that cradled my life calming all my fears, feeding me, clothing me, satiating all my desires…

Then I lost it all!

So violently torn, so bitingly violated that I questioned the verity of my memories.

To become a tumble weed in the desert, a paper boat in the flood, a lump of meat in the feast,

A compass without North!

The beasts come in hoards to eat the leftovers, stripping the meat from the bones,

To gorge on what scraps are left of my humanity in an arena full of spectators who debate;

Shall it be a thumbs up or a thumbs down?

And yet I want to live, I want my love to live, I want my hope to live, I want my tribe to live,

I want to live to find my paradise one more time!

I want to live for our songs of paradise to stay alive.

Criminal Culture (5) - Stone that 'Sinner'

 

13.5x20.5 inches; Watercolour, pen and ink over graphite pencil on handmade paper (Click on image to enlarge)

I have lied,

I have lived a lie,

I have envied

Those who could love

Without shame or fear,

Anger nagging me

Up the wall of creepy loathing!

I have eaten my own words

And broken shards of promises,

Cut through the tongue of desire...

To find peace in your embrace is taboo!

To find bliss in your kiss, immoral?

For the love of god and honour, you slay

My love of a human as sin?

Criminal Culture (4) - 'Sala Chhakka'

 

13.5x20.5 inches; Watercolour, pen and ink over graphite pencil on handmade paper (Click on image to enlarge)

I walk down the road

Stepping to the beat

Of your insults and gibes.

The side long glances,

Disgust rising with bile,

A lingering threat of

Courting harm for my

Denial of nonexistence!

“Sala Chhakka...”spat out

Your failure to define me!

It falls flat, I turn the corner

Resuming my well-rehearsed moves!

I have lost enough life practicing

Not to justify your limitations!

Criminal Culture (2) – Hurt that ‘Slut’

13.5x20.5 inches; Pen drawing on handmade paper with watercolour wash (Click on image to enlarge) 

Love is a good excuse. You see, in this region, men have a lot of heat and we are always ready to have sex with girls (Woman sounds very... it has a not-a-virgin ring to it! Though many a times due to lack of options many desperate men will go to the red light area or satisfy their hunger with a hot bhabi (i) in the colony. But those cases are rare and much uncultured! And no, in our culture men don’t bang other men or Chhakkas (ii)! Disgraceful! Better poke a goat than commit such a sin!), but we do not always get the opportunity because good girls save their virginity for their husbands. So, what should we men do? How long can we depend on our own hands to release our heat? And you can’t get married to every girl you fancy just for masti (iii). That’s when love comes handy.

“How?” you ask. Let me explain then. I am an able bodied, unmarried, virile man (For men age does not matter, what matters is whether we can get ‘it’ up!) and handsome (Won’t you agree?). So, first I select a girl. I set my eyes on this fair, young, curvaceous item number (Such big assets (iv)!), who comes to my shop regularly to buy supplies and often looks at me and smiles coyly. I get a feeling that she is ripe for plucking. I start to spin my web around her. Give her discounts, free gifts...you know the drill. Then one day, when she has a big load to carry back home, I offer to drop her home on my Yamaha. You understand right? It is like killing two birds with the same stone. I get to impress her with my motorbike and I get to feel her body press against my back during the ride! Clever, no? I can’t tell you how many times I shook my wand that night, just remembering the feeling of her melon like boobs pressing against my back! I already knew where she lived, the daughter of our old postmaster!

So, I start working my charm and it takes me five whole months to make her believe that I love her and I will marry her! That’s the magic promise. Then she does what I want, and dances to the tune of my flute like a drunk Nagin (v)! A virgin one that too! What a catch! For the next couple of months, my hands get time off from shaking my wand! She burns with every touch of mine and asks for it again and again. I still get hot thinking about it. So, mission accomplished.  I get to bang a virgin with just three magic words ‘I Love You!’ Now you understand?

What happened after that? Well, she started nagging me to marry her, every time we met. I made excuses. I never intended to marry her, right? That arrangement was working out fine for me. I always used a condom, so she can’t blackmail me with pregnancy! I am clever, I tell you.

It gets boring after that. How can I, an eligible bachelor with a profitable business and loads of money, marry a girl whose father lives on government salary? What dowry will she fetch? It would have been something if they owned any property, but they lived in a government quarter. And why marry just for masti when there were other flowers to pluck in the garden? And moreover she proved to be a ‘Slut’. I used and tasted her already. If she was a girl of virtue she would have protected her honour and virginity and insisted that I marry her before jumping into bed with me. But she was too easy! I want my wife to be a virgin on our wedding night, untouched by any man. It was a no deal!  So, I dumped her. Oh she did such drama, but then I reminded her that I have some of her ‘khul-ja-simsim’(vi) photos with me and if she acted too smart, I will make them public. That took her off my back! But what hot sex I had as long as it lasted. She could give Sunny Leone a run for her money, boss! Those photographs I have of her, serve their purpose well, even today (Wink!).

What became of her? Well, the ‘Slut’ got what she deserved (I can’t stand ‘Sluts’ you know!). She was married off in a hurry to a government clerk from the neighbouring district. On the wedding night Mister found out Missus was not a virgin! He beat the ‘Slut’ black and blue and two days later dumped her back at her father’s house. If you ask me, she got away easy! If I come to know my wife is a ‘Slut’, on my wedding night, I will hurt her so bad that I will kill her after I take all the pleasure from her. Soon, the entire family left this neighbourhood, quietly in the night, like thieves. No news after that.

What about me? I am still single, buzzing around drinking nectar from different flowers in the garden. If you know of a good, virgin, young girl, from a rich business family, fix her up with me. I will reward you with those photos of the ‘Slut’.

(i) Brother’s wife

(ii) Slang for Hijras/eunuchs

(iii) Sexual pleasure

(iv) Refers to the physical attributes of the girl, namely her breasts, hips and ass.

(v) Female snake

(vi) Refers to ‘Open sesame’ indicating revealing/naked pictures

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 Slut – meaning in slang

~ A dirty, slovenly woman (Rarely used nowadays)

~ A servant girl or a slave (Classist and racist origins)

~  An immoral woman

~ A female sex worker

~ A person who is sexually promiscuous (Mostly used for women but also used for homosexual/bisexual men and transgender persons)

~ A person with excessive desire to do or have something specific

Slut is a sexist/misogynist/classist/racist slur/insult used for

1.       Woman of colour (more often for black/brown women)

2.       Woman with multiple sexual partners

3.       Sex worker

4.       Homosexual/bisexual man and transgender person who is promiscuous

5.       Woman who is aware of her sexuality and sexual agency and uses it with confidence

6.        A woman who uses sex to get benefits, jobs or promotions (work place)

7.       Women/men as sex slaves

There is no equivalent derogatory term which can be used to describe a sexually promiscuous heterosexual man. The terms like stud, player and womanizer are used in a rather pompous manner to applaud male promiscuity as big achievement. This exposes the double standards of society’s moral codes set for men and women.

Feminists and LGBTQ rights movements have reclaimed the word ‘Slut’ and use it with pride, denoting that promiscuity is nothing to be ashamed of. Psychoanalyst and social critic Susie Orbach says, “The problem with the word slut is that it has cut women off because they have energy around their sexual desires and we are still so prejudiced about this. But if we reclaim the word, it simply becomes an issue of 'so what?'." The SlutWalk movement which has gained considerable ground also establishes this along with protest against the idea that a woman's appearance, often considered promiscuous, is a justification of inviting sexual assault and rape. The participants in these walks protest against individuals that excuse rape due to the woman's appearance, including victim blaming and slut shaming.

Popular misconception which is propagated in our society – A ‘Slut’ is not worthy of any dignity or human decency and hence can be dealt with in the basest ways. A ‘Slut’ promotes immorality through sexual abandon and hence destroys the virtuous family-centrist fabric of society. A ‘Slut’ needs to be policed, rehabilitated, restrained and punished. A ‘Slut’ deserves punishment in the form of physical, verbal and psychological abuse - Domestic violence, torture, rape, public shaming, invasion of privacy, dehumanizing, curtailing support system and taking life - each one a criminal act against humanity.

For further reading:

Links:

1.  https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-13333013

2.  https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-019-01095-z

3. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-you-should-stop-using-the-word-slut-as-an-insult-the-story-of-emily-lindins-unslut-project_b_6715534

4. https://ling.yale.edu/sites/default/files/files/alumni%20senior%20essays/Scruton_Eliza%20Senior%20Essay%20Final.pdf

Criminal Culture (1) – Tame that ‘Bitch’.

13.5x20.5 inches; Pen drawing on handmade paper with watercolour wash (Click on image to enlarge)

You look at me like I exist; because my body displaces the air of your quick appraisal around it and occupies the space of your slow verdict, of whether it is worth your while to humour this piece of meat enough, for a feather-in-the-cap fuck, in time. My chest, my hips, my ass, my legs and everything else in between, except my head (I don’t mean ‘giving head’, silly!), heart and soul, ignites your uncontrollable passion. Men will be men, won’t they? And they will be forever spiralling out of control, won’t they? Decision made, my body either scores high on your lust scale or falls short of it, and accordingly, so does my existence in your attention span. Should I call myself lucky if my body fails to excite you enough? But then, does it really matter? I, my body, may excite some other stranger and it will be the same routine. And then slowly you start your tiresome mating call. Do I appear excited too? Ah, pardon me! You were not instructed to pay attention to such things. Who cares if a piece of meat is interested to fill your appetite, you just grab it and consume it. Who dares deny you? And just because you find me fuck worthy, an automatic neon sign saying ‘Come On’ appears to be glowing all over me!  That’s exactly what happens; I get consumed even if I say, “NO!” You say, “Bitch! You led me on! Don’t play hard-to-get now. You want this badly and I am going to give it to you anyway!” and my aversion fuels your determination. Should I feel thankful, later, if my body does not end up in the morgue? Your crime may get buried under complicit cultural validations, but my scars will run deeper and cut through that safety net, in time.

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Bitch – meaning in slang

§  A woman (noun)

§  A despicable woman (noun)

§  A feminine or weak man (noun)

§  A sexually submissive person (noun) e.g. "someone's bitch"

§  something that is difficult or unpleasant (noun)

§  to complain (verb)

§  to inform (verb)

Source: The Concise New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English

Bitch is a sexist/misogynist slur/insult used for

1. A woman who is mean/malicious/strongly opinionated/aggressive

2. A woman with a high sex drive, promiscuous woman e.g. ‘Bitch in heat’

3. A woman not conforming to societal propriety or expectations

4. A man who is considered weak and complaining

5. An androgynous man who is all or any of the above

6. A Transgender person who is all or any of the above

‘Bitch’ didn't really become popular as a universal female insult until the 1920s. Between 1915 and 1930, the use of "bitch" in newspapers and literature more than doubled. That is when women's suffrage happened and they got the right to vote, and men were not happy about it. The feminists have reclaimed and used the word bitch since then to denote strength, ferocity, edginess, authority, determination, willingness to fight it out and establishing sexual agency.

Popular misconception which is propagated in our society – A ‘bitch’ needs to be controlled, tamed and kept on the leash and taught a good lesson/severely punished if needed. The punishment is often meted out in the form of physical, verbal and psychological abuse - Domestic violence, torture, rape, public shaming, curtailing support system and taking life - each one a criminal act against humanity.

For further reading:

Links:

1. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ppmx3m/the-evolution-of-the-bitch-905

2. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-019-01095-z

3. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36627061

4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitch_(slang)

5.https://www.huffpost.com/entry/post_4332_b_2526243?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly9lbi53aWtpcGVkaWEub3JnLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAWtTGpvwY2Hc7SRarypa3S5B7Sb5PGqvlDcwOg6jjIsefvCYKOtkfakEQU4ZrcECcfRgBqZjZi7gQ_8nLUtvkbLqsZ1vjlT8rQD_BO5u6IM1RGCNjrnbCMOS49LeC3-RSNugQc0CwiK-FFvy0GSmvzGpfVWwmAjjf3gU3sDMFp_